What I wish I'd known about Menopause

No one warned me how loud the silence would be. The silence between who I used to be—and who I was becoming.

I wish I had known what to expect.

As a sex educator and an embodied woman, I thought I would walk through menopause with ease. I thought I was prepared. I’ve done the work. I know my body. I know pleasure. But nothing quite prepares you for this particular initiation—the slow shedding of identities you didn’t even know you were still carrying.

The truth is, menopause is not just a hormonal shift—it’s a portal. A wild, honest, confronting passage that breaks down everything that isn’t real.

The body changes. Wrinkles arrive. The skin softens in places you thought would always stay firm. The energy isn’t always there. The libido may fade… or shift… or completely rewire itself.

And with all of that comes the voice of expectation. From society. From the culture. From ourselves.

Be sexy—but not too sexy. Be soft—but not weak. Be strong—but not loud. Be youthful—but act your age. Be sensual, be productive, be a mom, a lover, a wife, a friend, a boss… Do it all. Look good doing it. And please, don’t make anyone uncomfortable in the process.

It’s exhausting. And it’s unsustainable.

For me, the real transformation began when I stopped trying to hold it all together and let it fall apart. That’s when I started listening. To my body. To my truth. To the voice that had been whispering for years: You don’t have to be everything anymore. Lay down your swords.

Now, I find beauty not in how I appear—but in how I feel. I’ve learned to love this new body. Still learning... She’s different. Softer. Stronger. Wiser. Still sexy—just in her own way. My sex life is as alive as ever. But it’s no longer about the performance. It’s about the presence. The deep feeling. The connection that arises when nothing needs to be proven anymore.

There’s freedom in that. There’s power in not needing to hustle for worthiness. And there’s beauty that radiates from within when you stop caring who approves of your shine.

So to every woman navigating this passage—whether you’re just entering it or deep in the messy middle—know this: You are not losing yourself. You are finding the version of you who has always been there, beneath the roles, the masks, the expectations.

She is fierce. She is soft. She is enough.

And she is finally free.

Heike Hudson

Book recommendation:

The book I wish I had before going through the Menopause initiation:

Wise Power by Alexandra Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer

This is not a book about the body but about the soul of menopause.