Men’s Sexual Shame—The Conversation We Never Have

We talk a lot about how women have been shamed for their sexuality, and rightfully so. The policing of women’s bodies, the suppression of their pleasure, the double standards that dictate what is “appropriate” for them to express—it’s been a battle for women to reclaim their erotic power. And over the past few decades, we’ve seen an entire movement rise to support that reclamation.

There are workshops, retreats, coaching programs, entire industries dedicated to helping women reconnect with their sensuality, their turn-on, their erotic power. And it’s celebrated. Women’s sexuality is called divine, sacred, a force of nature. There’s a message that says: “Come back home to your body, sister.” And that message is beautiful, necessary, and long overdue.

But where are the programs for men? Where is the equivalent of hundreds of yoni honoring workshops?

There is Shakti Dance, Shakti awakening, Shakti Yoga, Shakti empowerment, Shakti, Shakti, Shakti! Fuck yes.

But when a man says Shiva anything, outside of India, it's met with laughter and ridicule.Thats terrible to me. Because it's the polaric opposite of the same energy that should be celebrated. It's the Yang to the Yin. And while those are meant to be in balance, they are far from it.

Where are the spaces that say, “Brother, come back home to your body”? Embrace your Divine Sexuality.

Where are the teachings that help men reclaim their sexuality—not in a way that makes them “more alpha,” not in some superficial pickup artist nonsense, but in a way that truly honors their desire, their heart, their power?

They hardly exist.

Instead, men are left with two options: shut it down, or let it run unchecked.

We are given nothing to help us navigate the middle—the place where conscious sexuality lives. The place where a man can be fully in his desire, fully in his body, fully in his primal and energetic power while also being deeply present, deeply respectful, deeply attuned.

We live in a world that encourages women to lead with their sexuality but shames men for even being connected to, or God forbid, speaking about theirs.

A woman can say, “I’m a deeply sexual being,” and she is praised for it. A man says the same, and suddenly he’s “cock-centered,” “too much,” “thinking with his dick.”

Even if he’s done absolutely nothing inappropriate. Even if he holds deep reverence for women. Even if his sexual energy is rooted in love, in presence, in devotion.

It's sorta ironic that the cock actually is exactly in the center of the body. Maybe Source had a point in that. It's true. We are literally cock centered. It is how life is created. And yet the source of so much shame.

This isn’t about making it a competition. Women’s sexual shame has been immense, and their reclamation is beautiful and necessary.

But men’s shame? It’s silent. It’s unspoken. It’s so deeply ingrained that most men don’t even recognize it as shame—they just think they have to live this way.

Be sexual, but not too sexual.

Desire women, but don’t make them uncomfortable.

Express confidence, but don’t be cocky.

Lead, but don’t be dominant.

Be powerful, but don’t make anyone feel unsafe.

It’s an impossible paradox.

And the cost of this shame is disconnection—disconnection from our own bodies, from our partners, from the raw, beautiful force of sexual energy that is meant to be honored, not hidden.

Because here’s the thing: a sexually empowered man isn’t dangerous. He isn’t a predator. He isn’t out of control. He’s deeply in control. He’s present, he’s reverent, he’s rooted.

Conscious sexuality is not about “thinking with your dick.” It’s about being deeply connected to your own desire while simultaneously being deeply attuned to your partner, the room, and to life. It’s about presence, respect, and honoring the power of sexual energy rather than suppressing it or letting it run unchecked.

Men are constantly told they need to be careful. Careful with their words, their actions, their body language, their energy, their very presence. So much so that we’ve gotten to the point where a man now has to ask for permission just for every single hug. But how often do women do the same? Women hug freely, without thinking twice, without asking. They touch a man’s shoulder, run their fingers through his hair playfully, lean into his space. And somehow, that’s all okay.

No one questions it. No one calls it “too much.”

But if a man were to do the same, if he were to move with the same uninhibited confidence in his own affection, he risks being labeled creepy, forward, or inappropriate.

So men shrink themselves. They hesitate. They dull their edges, their presence, their own fucking humanity, because the message has been clear: your touch is dangerous. Your desire is suspect. Your sexuality must be controlled.

And the irony? This isn’t what women actually want. Women crave men who are fully in their power, fully present, fully alive in their own skin. Who aren’t afraid of their desire, who don’t hesitate in their touch, who don’t carry the guilt and hesitation that has been conditioned into them. But ONLY if you are hot and something they desire, otherwise, you're pretty fucked.

And here’s another layer to this: when sexuality is repressed, it doesn’t just disappear. It doesn’t vanish because it’s been shamed or pushed into the shadows. It still lives, but now it’s unconscious, now it’s hidden, now it’s unintegrated. And that is exactly what so many women experience as the “yuk” feeling from men.

It’s the gaze that feels off.

It’s the presence that doesn’t feel clean.

It’s the energy that makes women’s skin crawl.

And the tragedy of it all? That “yuk” is not because men are inherently gross or predatory—it’s because they’ve been conditioned to not own their sexual energy. They’ve been taught to stuff it down, to suppress it, to deny it, and so it leaks out in ways that feel unsafe, unclear, disconnected.

And yet, the irony is, if a man were to fully own his sexuality, if he were to hold it with reverence and confidence, if he were to integrate it into his being rather than shove it into the shadows—well, that’s a problem too. That’s when he’s “too much,” when he’s “cock-centered,” when he’s judged for even standing in the power that was taken from him in the first place.

I know this one first hand. I was lucky to be born and grow up without the shame program. And yet, being shame-free is still sometimes triggering and then reflected back to me as shame-full. But thats actually not mine. Its others shame and shadow not wanting to be seen. And thats why I do the work that I do. Because you can be FREE from this programming.

Men are trapped in a no-win situation. If they suppress their sexuality, it seeps out in unconscious ways. If they claim it with presence, they’re judged for it.

This is why we teach classes like It’s All About Him. Because this isn’t just a women’s issue or a men’s issue—it’s all of us. We’re all in this together.

One of the biggest things we see in this class? Men who don’t even feel worthy of being erotically pleasured—just because they deserve it. Not because they “earned” it, not because they “performed” well, not because they provided, fixed, or did something to justify it—just because they exist.

That hesitation, that inability to fully receive, that discomfort with just being honored in their eroticism—it’s all rooted in shame.

Shame that told them their pleasure doesn’t matter.

Shame that told them their sexuality is only acceptable if it’s in service to someone else.

Shame that says he is too penis centered

Shame that says pleasure is only acceptable when she wants it

Shame that told them they have to deserve something that should have been theirs all along.

Men need space to heal. To release the shame they don’t even realize they’re carrying. To learn that their sexuality can be honored, not feared. That their desire is not a problem to be managed but a power to be wielded with love, presence, and intention.

And if that makes people uncomfortable, so be it. Everyone deserves freedom from sexual shame. It's their birthright.