It has been a tough week for me as a man.

Now before you say “poor you”, let me explain.

I have a great job. As a somatic healer, and as a sexologist, My wife and I have the privilege of helping women break through old pains and abuses of trauma and relationship baggage so they can live wild and free. I have always enjoyed this work because I see what comes out the other side once women get a chance to let it all out. And that usually includes letting the rage out against men.

In our sessions, I actually become every man.  Especially every man that has hurt her. Uncles who abused, men who raped, boyfriends and husbands who abandoned, dad who was never there. By stepping into these roles and giving her the safe space to say what was never said, to rage against to the masculine, to finally let it out, often for the very first time, women are able to clear this old stuck energy out of the body so they no longer carry the often subconscious anger and sadness against men.

And they have a lot of it. And men, working with this every day, it is no wonder they don’t exactly like us.

So I am sorta used to that. But this week was a little different.

On Tuesday evening, Heike had 25 women for her weekly feminine empowerment class which,for the first time, I got to be part of. And again, I was collectively the “bad” man (the Shadow Masculine), as well as the “good” man (the Divine Masculine).

At this class, she asked women what they thought about the feminine.  I heard words that sounded so fun! Creative! Wild! Sexy! Radiant! Dancing! Playing!  As a man, I loved hearing that. Yes!

And then she asked what they thought of the masculine. My heart sank as I heard what they shared. Can’t be trusted. Cold. Stern. Rigid. Mean. Painful. Cruel. Of all the 25 responses, I only heard two words that were at least sort of positive. Protector and Provider. Yes. And…yawn. I mean, that’s it? That’s really what you think of me? You want to know why women are so upset right now? Read those words again. I teared up as I heard all of this and part of me just wanted to go run and hide.

I have been trained not to take things personally. There is no way that I could do the work that I do if I did. Because in my somatic work, I have had women call me every name possible. And I take it all in because whatever man I represent to her I deserve it. I have hurt her. I have raped her. I have abused her. I have neglected her. I own it. Holding the space for that is what I love doing, because on the other side of that, I also get to step into the Divine Masculine, so that they can experience the good in a man, so they can believe.

And yet, there was something about this week. Not only having our regular sessions, but now having all of these women saying what they really thought about men. It was a lot. And I let it get to me. It hurt, deeply. As much as I knew it wasn’t about me personally, I think perhaps for the first time, I truly felt the collective pain of the feminine and what we as men have done to her.

Now I know there are many great men out there. And I strive to be one of them. I know many men who are putting in their work, who love and respect the feminine and treat her as she deserves. But here were 25 women. And just about every single one of them didn’t like men all that much.

And here is the second part of the story. Those women were actually here for a class about how to pleasure a man! Despite everything they had been through, they still wanted to love men. They still were hoping to find the good ones, holding on to the belief that they actually exist.

They were still willing, despite all the pain and abuse from the past, to show up one more time.

My fellow brothers, I ask you to join me. To step into the role of the Divine Masculine, the embodiment of a man that carries the qualities that women desire. Honor. Respect. Equality, Passion. Purpose.  Adoration. And perhaps above all else, Love.

We have deeply hurt women. Perhaps not you individually, but collectively we have, over and over and over again. And yet they still show up. They still want to believe in us. Before we can ever be the type of man that honors and adores the feminine, we have to understand what has happened to them. What we have done as a collective. It is from that deep understanding, that we can truly see the radiant woman before us and treat her as she deserves. They have so much love to give us. Let’s stop hurting her. Let’s stop abusing her. Let’s stop taking her for granted.  Let’s love her.

I have to go chop some wood.


P.S.  If you REALLY want to learn all about becoming the conscious man that women really want – and yes, that very much includes your sexuality, join me for The Conscious Cock series of classes beginning February 20th. You can come to one class or all of them. Only a few tickets remain. Read more about the Conscious  Cock here:





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